Gay Marriage: Not for Us

Apparently there is a big debate in the UK at the moment about allowing gay marriage in churches (although the Church of England is for some reason exempted). My dad, who struggled to accept my sexuality for a long time, mentioned this in a call yesterday and posed the question ‘Are you and Dave ever going to…?’ The answer for complex reasons, is definitely ‘NO’.

It is not that we don’t love one another. We’re welded at the hip and, I sincerely believe, always will be… ‘Till death us do part’. However, we’re not remotely religious, despite our current residency in the ‘bible belt’. It’s just that we can’t see that it adds anything (except possibly some legal stuff about inheritances) to a wonderful loving relationship.

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Of course, other aspects of our relationship and our lives are more complex. We’re two gay dads with a son (me) and daughter (him). If we indulged in gay marriage, should it be with their mums? Hardly, since they are a loving lesbian couple. How would the children view all this as they get older?


our adventures begin, as I find Dave...Darker forces emerge from the shadows...Coming shortly: the denoument... link may not work just yetAnd our love life is more complex anyway. We, and four other deeply committed loving gay couples, long since formed a special ‘alliance’ – we call it Tuan Jie for reasons you can discover in the books about us (click on the covers!), which also reveal some other very special bonds which we have, resulting from some of the challenges thrown across our path – within which we share our love. Like any gay boy I am aroused when I see a great male body. All ten of us have no qualms about wanting to get up close and personal to other guys – skin on skin (wrestling especially good!), licking, sucking even…


but no further, except within our special alliance. Whilst each of us enjoys the very special feel of his very special guy, inside Tuan Jie we can always go the extra mile – with ANY partner and with the full acceptance of our own special guy – all are ‘clean’, regularly checked, and NEVER EVER would have penetrative sex outside the circle. So, within it, we can enjoy our love uninhibited: ‘raw’, ‘bareback’, call it what you want. I have never used a condom – ever – and don’t plan to. But how would that square with ‘gay marriage’ and the individual commitment to one person for life?


At the weekend two of our ‘coven’ Leon and Dane are coming down from Lexington KY for the weekend before we all bail out for our UK Christmas adventures. Dave and I will share either my huge king-size bed or our training cabin accommodation with them and, no doubt, when we wake up horny and perhaps energised by the hormoney scent of  warm armpit, we shall all four get together to relieve those inner tensions. Neither Dave nor I can resist the wonderful dark silky skin of sleek and ripped Leon nor the chunkier and slightly hairier muscle of Dane. But it will never replace those really special moments which Dave and I share alone.


Another feature of our complex relationship is to share some things which others may view as fetishes. As part of our ‘work’ we endure being crushed on beds of nails or glass and lying on swords: however, giving each other a few lashes across the back or chest with a strap or rope is something of a turn on. I confess a strange turn-on too from occasional ‘watersports’ – being pissed on. Yeah, weird. I know. And, once in a while, all of us go and play with our friends Cody and Adge in their little cellar of fun. Just because we can: just so that we can reflect on the experience with a kind of horny satisfaction … ‘Yeah, I did that!’.

strange relationship

Try to read what is behind the expression on the bound guy’s face there. A pleasurable anticipation of someething to come? Why pleasurable? I don’t think I can answer that question myself. As I say: weird.

As I finish this post, sitting in my undershorts on a stool, a naked Dave stands behind me, chest pressed against my back, licking my ear. Then he presses down on my shoulders and jumps up so that he can cross his legs around my abdomen, curling around me. His warm skin again presses against me, and I can feel his heartbeat. I feel a warm glow enveloping me, as if his love were literally oozing out of his body into mine, and vice versa. Now I’m typing one-handed so that I can caress his foot with my left hand. That’s anothing thing. Feet. I love feet. And I can rely absolutely that any Tuan Jie will always have the cleanest, sweetest feet when they stop by…


So, NO. No gay marriage for us. Sorry to the religious dudes, whose faith we perfectly well respect, but our life is complete and full without marriage. Although, one thing I will share, is that one of the guys I have dedicated the books to, just married his partner and they are sharing an idyllic existence in upper New York State. At least, I believe they are. They seem to be on permanent vacation in assorted parts of the world just now! Wish you all the best, guys!

Let’s finish this post, not with ‘Bonus Boys’, but some ‘Bonus Feet’ in a partnership theme. Enjoy, and have fun, as they clearly are. Whichever way you want.


About tonycavanagh

Born Northampton UK; school Oxford UK and Oak Ridge Tennessee, where I met my wonderful partner Dave, also from UK. Oak Ridge is our main training base for acrobatics and circus stuff, but we also established a base in Wales (UK) to serve us when we are working in Europe. Our 'story', of finding gay love, learning the acrobatics trade and then of how we got shot at during our show (and worse was to follow - just to prove that the risks of being an acrobat are not always the most obvious ones!) are now available in my three books 'Loving the Boy', 'The Power of Love' and 'Against All Odds'. Links available on most blog posts. Actually, waiting for the imminent arrival of the first printed copies was far scarier than anything we do in performance. A fourth book - not about us but exploring the sadness of a gay Native American boy denied his true identity - is currently with an agent for evaluation. watch for 'Let The Future Find Me' in due time. And now to book five... another boy, another quest... seems its always boys...
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