I Had a Dream

For a change, I offer you a small chunk of Against all Odds (part 3 of ‘Living the Dream’, click the image…) in which we finally were faced by our ‘nemesis’… the threat which had been hanging over us ever since – well, never mind. The scene is eight lads crashed out in the sun on the shore of a lake: a bit like an early scene in ‘The Beach’, you might realise, but here we are on the shore of a lake in northern California.

Cover 3 FullI wondered what Zach was thinking. He hadn’t seemed overly alarmed. Let’s say perturbed, yes. Not alarmed. After all, this was his territory, so he should know the odds. Maybe illicit drug crops around here were relatively ‘normal’. The ‘California beach bums’ surely grew their own supplies. Yes, that would be it. Hippies, probably living happily in the woods somewhere, stoned out of their brains. Well, that would be alright then. Hardly a threat to eight strong boys.

My thoughts merged into dreams, mutating into strange and  unconnected strands which became less and less resolved. We were walking a tightrope, weren’t we. Because Kevin does that, and he’s here. So it must be a tightrope between our position now and a safe place at the other end. Just don’t fall off. Keep your head. Kevin’s in charge, and he knows what he’s doing, so it’ll be fine. But fall off on one side and a guy with a gun tries to pick you off. Fall on the other side and you get a dose of ‘wacky baccy’ to speed you on your way… wait. Speed. That’s a drug too. They’re all druggies, this is California. Cali-bloody-fornia. They’re all fornicating, those f***ing hippies. Just like we do. We’re no different, really. Horny ‘fornies’.

My whirling brain liked the sound of that. ‘Horny fornie, hornie fornie, horny fornie…’ As if someone was calling it out in some childish game we were all playing, where you had to keep chanting to show you were holding your breath, like in Kabbadi, that Pakistani raiding game where you try to raid your opponents’ base whilst chanting ‘kabbadi, kabbadi, kabbadi…’ The raiding teams slowly disappeared over the horizon in my racing brain, to be replaced by a silence. A silence so intense that you could have heard a pin drop. Now what the f*ck was going on? Am I suddenly alone? Where are my mates? What’s Dave doing? Where the hell am I? Oh yes, I’m in Thailand with Leonardo di Caprio and that bloody randy woman who rules over ‘The Beach’. ‘On the Beach.’ No, that’s Neville Shute, isn’t it. I remember him. Read some books he wrote. So this is his beach. We’ve invaded his space. Neville Shute is out to get us. Shooting at us. ‘Shute-ing at us.’ My whirling brain giggles inwardly at that. I made a joke. Quite a good joke, actually. Neville Shute is growing cannabis in a secret place he never wrote about and now he’s going to ‘Shute’ at us. Sharp-shooting. ‘Shute-shooting…’ Neville’s bringing a raiding party. Well, tough. We’re Tuan Jie – well, most of us here are. We’re trained. You’re no match for us. But we’re lying out on your beach aren’t we? Sitting targets. No, lying targets. Get real. Here we are, Neville, stretched out on your f***ing beach, lying targets, ready for your ‘Shute-ers’ to point their little guns at us. All because we discovered your stupid little hobby. Shuter’s sodding drugs racket…


I leave you to figure out what that ‘Click’ was… You might also wonder how the heck my mind works, sometimes! I tried to capture in those few paragraphs how a dream whirls around inside your head, thoughts somehow mutating into other, weird images and ideas… oh well. You’ll either enjoy it or you won’t, I guess. All three books are available in paper form and the first two as e-books as well (we are working on the third). Click on the image above which will take you to the publisher site for more information.

And now, as the themes of the Living the Dream trilogy are gay love, acrobatics and fitness, wrapped up in – well, let’s call it a thriller, although we were anything but thrilled at the time – here is a selection of fit young gentlemen to inspire us all to greater efforts in the gym towards those ‘Dream’ bodies:







169 (2)





(that guy is SOOO like our Zach!) – and, finally for today, a numerical challenge!…


We can’t quite read the numbers on that tape, but the message, I think, is clear…


About tonycavanagh

Born Northampton UK; school Oxford UK and Oak Ridge Tennessee, where I met my wonderful partner Dave, also from UK. Oak Ridge is our main training base for acrobatics and circus stuff, but we also established a base in Wales (UK) to serve us when we are working in Europe. Our 'story', of finding gay love, learning the acrobatics trade and then of how we got shot at during our show (and worse was to follow - just to prove that the risks of being an acrobat are not always the most obvious ones!) are now available in my three books 'Loving the Boy', 'The Power of Love' and 'Against All Odds'. Links available on most blog posts. Actually, waiting for the imminent arrival of the first printed copies was far scarier than anything we do in performance. A fourth book - not about us but exploring the sadness of a gay Native American boy denied his true identity - is currently with an agent for evaluation. watch for 'Let The Future Find Me' in due time. And now to book five... another boy, another quest... seems its always boys...
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