Home is… Where the Heart Is…

At the end of my third book Against All Odds, I wrote that ‘home’ was (by then!) definitely Oak Ridge Tennessee. As posts over the summer will have indicated, ‘home’ is also Cefn Derwen (which means the same thing!) in Wales UK – in the sense that we own that one. Our pension fund, if you like. And I guess, after such an excellent summer in UK with our kids and many other friends, Dave and I have become slightly schizophrenic. We want to be in both places at once. TN is where most of our current and very dear friends are, it’s where our kids were born and grew up (and where their mums are), and that’s not going to change. We, on the other hand, are Brits, transported to TN thirteen years ago because our fathers had job assignments there. My dad’s lasted only a short time but Dave’s dad is still here – although he now talks of retirement. What will he decide to do? If he returns to UK then we shall very likely be ‘homeless’ here (although plenty of options to remain here exist). Dave and I have coaching jobs here too, but I guess that skill is transferable.

What to do, long term? This is starting to bother us a bit.

Meanwhile, I haven’t reported on our return very much – not on the overnight ‘welcome’ from the full ranks of Tuan Jie gay mates, from example, with whom we share trust and (ahem) each other: what a night! Could we live without that wonderful bond of friendship? And what about our acrobatic and performance stuff? Actually, at our “advancing” age, we’re definitely losing some of our agility? Is that a sensible future? Probably not.


There was also the ‘welcome home’ at Chad’s gym. That’s an ‘invitation only’ place where, again, the ‘bonding’ of colleagues is very special. I’ll let you read about those details elsewhere, if you haven’t already… we really would not want to lose that, and indeed we plan to keep hitting the weights until we’re 90!

On which subject…



Those lads have some way to go to measure up to the next guy – but what counts is the enthusiasm and the effort.


Now, a couple of boxers for a change, needing not huge muscle but a combination of power strength and agility:



And now, a rower putting the effort in:


This next one is an interesting condundrum. Look closely, and say what you see, then look below the picture!

005a impressive bicep curl weight!

He’s not straining much, is he? He has an impressive arm, yes. However, that is an Olympic bar (20kg) with at least 85kg added when you count both ends – thats 105kg (231lb) for a bicep curl with a perfectly straight back… nah – he’s either spotting for a mate doing a bench press (and that’s a fairly impressive one anyway) or the bar is on a rack and he’s just posing for the camera.

Or am I doing the guy an injustice? Let me know by adding a comment!

Anyways, we’ve realised that some big decisions are to be made. Dave and I took the conscious decision long ago that we would be part of our kid’s lives and what amazing kids they’ve turned out to be. So no way would we ‘exile’ ourselves from Jaymee and Leo – they are the ‘next generation’ of acrobatic performers, after all. Carry on the family tradition of performance, following their mums in the field of endurance and fakirism too, very probably. Leo loves the attention he gets on his bed of nails…

life-is-confusingI think, somehow, we need to fund a ‘commuting’ lifestyle between USA and UK. If I were a famous author, that could possibly be taken care of, but I’ve not sold enough of my three eccentric gay/circus/thriller books for that! So we’ll need to think very hard about how we could raise a whole load of air fares whilst continuing to earn money on both sides of the Atlantic. Dave’s brother Pete, who’ll stay in the US whatever happens to be with his American partner Ivo, ‘helpfully’ suggests that we should improve our swimming. ‘After all, it’s only 3000 miles…’ Thanks for nothing, Pete!

ready to swim

Or, as Zach (un)helpfully proposes – ‘Just bury your heads in the sand…’ (or mud as in the next pic) ‘…and see what comes along!’ Pretty much what he did, letting the future take care of itself (until some shadows from his past tried to take care of it for him – that’s in Against All Odds too)…


One thing for sure – what ever we do decide to do, Dave and I will do it together… Time for a bath!



‘Whatever will be will be…’ ‘I’ve got my love to keep me warm…’


Quote ISBNs instead – just in case…! Or you can find the e-versions on Amazon…

Loving the Boy: ISBN 978-1-907732-30-0

The Power of Love: ISBN 978-1-907732-41-6

Against All Odds: ISBN 978-1-908645-35-7

About tonycavanagh

Born Northampton UK; school Oxford UK and Oak Ridge Tennessee, where I met my wonderful partner Dave, also from UK. Oak Ridge is our main training base for acrobatics and circus stuff, but we also established a base in Wales (UK) to serve us when we are working in Europe. Our 'story', of finding gay love, learning the acrobatics trade and then of how we got shot at during our show (and worse was to follow - just to prove that the risks of being an acrobat are not always the most obvious ones!) are now available in my three books 'Loving the Boy', 'The Power of Love' and 'Against All Odds'. Links available on most blog posts. Actually, waiting for the imminent arrival of the first printed copies was far scarier than anything we do in performance. A fourth book - not about us but exploring the sadness of a gay Native American boy denied his true identity - is currently with an agent for evaluation. watch for 'Let The Future Find Me' in due time. And now to book five... another boy, another quest... seems its always boys...
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1 Response to Home is… Where the Heart Is…

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