Disowned but not Dismayed

Tom and Iestyn, local gay couple here in Mid Wales, accepted our invitation to Xmas lunch with alacrity and we love spending time with them. It struck me that they seemed to have no contact with family on either side over Christmas, and on New Year’s Eve, with children in bed, two lesbians curled up in one armchair and four gay boys relaxing shirtless (as ever!) in front of our log fire, I plucked up the courage to ask.

Iestyn is the product of a chapel-going North Wales family and has two sisters. Basically, he is welcome home only when he arrives with a ‘suitable’ girl on his arm. Which is unlikely. Tom’s father has died and his mother is unwell and in the care of relatives who intensely despise him for being gay. But, as they were quick to point out, they have each other, and at least a little respect from those in the local town who are aware of their situation/sexuality. And, as they are also quick to point out, now they have us, at least when we are here in Wales. So our friendship is certainly a little special. They enjoy our gym setup and we share the love, as far as we can go, being barred by our sworn Tuan Jie codes from going ‘that last mile’ with anyone outside our exclusive group of ten.

So, the battle for acceptance goes on, the prejudice continues…

…and, yes, I have their permission to post this.

We can ALL of us at least celebrate together the pleasure and fulfillment of being gay, and indulge ourselves in the enjoyment of being MALE and enjoying the company of other built guys!


That picture really ‘does it’ for us – and the guy looks very like Leo’s mate Chris (but a little older!). We keep the prejudice at bay – or out of our minds – by indulging in the things we like the best – pride in our appearance…


…pleasure in the company of others with similar interests…


…then working hard to improve even more…


Have fun though, and don’t exclude guys who need to train up to match your standards… as long as they and you enjoy being together…


Two guys there a little overweight right now, and one rather skinny – I’m sure the other two will be pointing them in the right direction soon enough! Give them maybe a year, and then…


It’s simple enough. Use the stairs, not the elevator! If you see a rope, climb it (preferably hands only)…



But don’t forget to take time to relax!




‘Oi, watch it, mate!!’… No, you’ll know when the time is right!

Tom and Iestyn met when Tom arrived at the school where Iestyn teaches Welsh and history, to install some computers. Basically, they say, it was love at first sight. They agreed to meet for a beer, and shared a bed that same night…



I’ve decided that, when we get back to Oak Ridge TN later this month, I am going to take up the cause again on Leo’s behalf of his other great friend whom he can only see at school because the father disapproves of Leo’s parentage and household arrangements. The guy cannot see beyond his prejudice to the loving ‘double’ family in which Leo (and Jaymee) have grown up. Gay groups can be ‘happy families’ too, as we right now share with our kid’s lesbian mothers.

Perhaps we can all just get along together, doing what we love to do?


Loving the Boy: ISBN 978-1-907732-30-0

The Power of Love: ISBN 978-1-907732-41-6

Against All Odds: ISBN 978-1-908645-35-7

About tonycavanagh

Born Northampton UK; school Oxford UK and Oak Ridge Tennessee, where I met my wonderful partner Dave, also from UK. Oak Ridge is our main training base for acrobatics and circus stuff, but we also established a base in Wales (UK) to serve us when we are working in Europe. Our 'story', of finding gay love, learning the acrobatics trade and then of how we got shot at during our show (and worse was to follow - just to prove that the risks of being an acrobat are not always the most obvious ones!) are now available in my three books 'Loving the Boy', 'The Power of Love' and 'Against All Odds'. Links available on most blog posts. Actually, waiting for the imminent arrival of the first printed copies was far scarier than anything we do in performance. A fourth book - not about us but exploring the sadness of a gay Native American boy denied his true identity - is currently with an agent for evaluation. watch for 'Let The Future Find Me' in due time. And now to book five... another boy, another quest... seems its always boys...
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2 Responses to Disowned but not Dismayed

  1. Paul (78 year old retired pastor, amatuer bodybuilder, dad, husband, grandpa, says:

    Another moving and inspiring episode the growth of some fine guys. Thanks. So sad
    that religious groups sometimes are locked in rules and not in the Love of Whom they
    are called to be spokespersons. You might be interested to know that here in the USA,
    as in the Scandinavian countries, the Lutheran branch of Christianity has become a major
    defender, supporter, and advocate for the world of same-aex affection. Openly Gay/Lesb.
    persons are Ordained as clergy, Gays are welcome and invited to our local churches for the most part; the official position of the Lutheran Church in America is one of striving to fulfill the calling of Christ to genuinely love ALL persons regardless of race, gender, affectional orientation, etc. Love, Justice and Peace is the openly declared mission of this four million membership plus in the USA and elsewhere. I am proud of my Church at last
    as it leads in proclaiming and striving to live as lovers of God. Don’t give up on us
    Christians yet my dear ones. We are trying to be what Christ wants …. God help us to
    Thanks guys!

    • tonycavanagh says:

      Delighted to have this most excellent contribution, Paul – and especial thanks for declaring more about yourself. It is really interesting to know something about the sorts of person who appreciate the blog, both the pictures and the news. Thanks for your interest, and we wish you continued bodybuilding success for many years to come!!

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