“It’s Lust, not Love…”


My home country, along with the rest of the European Union, is about to vote for Members of the European parliament. A party that is making big waves in the UK, and beloved of those who want UK to leave the EU, is the UK Independence Party (UKIP). It has a beer-swilling leader, Nigel Farage, who appeals to middle England voters who want rid of immigration, laws made in Brussels rather than London, and even a complete exit from the EU. And, strangely, they are ahead of all the other UK parties in the polls.

The problem is the candidates, for UKIP seem to be attracting more than their fare share of weirdos and cranks. And the homosexual community had better watch out. Three examples:

(1) One potential candidate blamed the storms which battered the UK last winter on the legalisation of gay marriage. Really!

(2) Another, who this weekend claims to have repented, previously stated “homosexuality is abnormal and undesirable and…(it is)… not a valid lifestyle worthy of equal respect”;

(3) Last week, another proposed that there was no such thing as gay love, only lust.

Oh dear.


Cover2 ThumbA book comes to mind!! Should I send him one of these? The whole reason I wrote this book (and the prequel and sequel Loving the Boy and Against All Odds) was the emotion I felt about my relationship with my wonderful partner Dave, and the caring and loving gay community in which we find ourselves. The books grew into a tale far wider than gay love (circus, fitness, accidents/disasters and eventual happiness and hope for the future) but it was love – genuine homosexual love, that made me do it. Go on, click on the cover and the links… and you’ll find e-books out there too…

Our love manifests itself in many ways, and there is as much of this…


…as this…


…and this…


So let’s analyse. A typical evening in the life of Dave and Tone. Love or lust?

Down to Chad’s private gym. We hook up with two relatively new guys who aren’t in our ‘inner circle’ (so no sex, lust or otherwise). Dave engages in wrestling one of them, the other joins me in a fiercely competitive weights session. Eventually we notice that Dave and this other guy, now oiled up, have resolved the fight: Dave the winner. The agreed ‘penalty’ was ten lashes across the back with a leather strap: the guy suggests he takes it on the nail bed, which he’s new too and interested in. Then Dave, as we always do, allows him to return the compliment. Of course, as Dave’s eternal love, I then need to match him, and the other new guy does the same for his friend. So we’re all matched – and hurting somewhat – on the endurance front. Masochists all. Which makes us all very horny. Yes, they’re gay too.

Now what? (Sensitive readers, look away now!). Group jerk off. That’s lust, then? Rewarding ourselves in the company of great male bodies we can admire. Dave ‘comes’ first and so ends up as the recipient of the product from all four. We mix it and share: Dave feeds the rest of his with his toes… Love or lust? Off to the showers, and then we split and Dave and I go home. No more sex, though – we’re spent – but, under the covers, we’re in each other’s arms quick as a flash, kissing, caressing, saying nice things to each other – LOVE!!


No doubt there. But if there were sex in our bed that night – would that be love, or lust?


Well, in our case, 100% love. Yes, of course, we love the sensations of sex. But the passions, our true feelings for one another, whichever way we express them, are what matters between us. Love.

purple passion

We reckon that these idiots who come to these extremely silly viewpoints scan the porno pictures and draw their conclusions based on that. Two attractive guys turn up at the porno studio. May never have seen each other before. Both extremely good looking and attractive to any gay.. therefore, the photoshoot, and the sex, works, despite probably being in front of a couple of bearded weirdos operating camera and sound. The two guys go to the showers for a little ‘endgame’ of their own, because they have become sexually charged. But it’s not love. They dress, collect the fee, and go their separate ways. And that’s the image of “gay relations” that some of these bigots have in their heads. Sex for money… sex for sex’s sake –LUST.

Another question. If these ‘super-straight’ people offended by the idea of gay love are getting the information from porn… er, why are they there, on those sites? Discuss!

Can’t we just enjoy feeling great about each other?


Can I not put my arm (that’s not me, by the way) around another guy because he’s a friend… and perhaps because I admire the body he built and what he did with it? Doesn’t have to be lust OR love! And those guys surely deserve any praise they can get for their street workout efforts!

And even in a bedroom setting: it doesn’t have to be lust just because two guys are arsing around in front of a mirror together:


So, somebody has got this all wrong. We think we understand love (all ten Tuan Jie partners, sharing our love with individual life partners [five devoted couples] and with the others, because we all swore to be squeaky clean sexually and agreed to be open with our love within the group of ten); we can distinguish it from lust, which we all feel from time to time about other guys we encounter in the gym (because we are gay and often horny) but must only share more limited engagement… and most of all, we can distinguish it just from a huge admiration for any guy who has sweated gallons to build a great body we can all admire…

…so it’s actually three things: LOVE, LUST and ADMIRATION…maybe the last of those can be ENVY, even…

…but then there’s just wanting to be together, having FUN:


Tell me, Mr UKIP person, does that happy ‘snap’ shout “GAY, HORROR!!” at you?

Sorry, this has turned into a RANT. I’ll stop in a moment. Clearly the simple choice of ‘lust’ or ‘love’ isn’t enough, anyway: we have FIVE categories now!

I’ll stop now, and just add a few more pictures calculated to raise the blood pressure in UKIP candidates. If you’re straight, thanks for reading this and I hope you can understand us a bit better. If you’re gay, then you knew it all anyway!

PS, Love you, Dave! And lust after you constantly, too…

Now the pictures:



Some role models, now, for the fitness ethic: no specific sexuality in these guys implied or suggested…

adam corelli 1


55597 (2)

great guy armpits

lets pose


And your final poser for this evening… ‘poser’ as in ‘question’… is this kiss love/lust/affection/fun/admiration… I think that we can rule our ‘envy’ here…

Enough. Stop ranting. Slap on wrist, Tone. Enjoy the picture.



About tonycavanagh

Born Northampton UK; school Oxford UK and Oak Ridge Tennessee, where I met my wonderful partner Dave, also from UK. Oak Ridge is our main training base for acrobatics and circus stuff, but we also established a base in Wales (UK) to serve us when we are working in Europe. Our 'story', of finding gay love, learning the acrobatics trade and then of how we got shot at during our show (and worse was to follow - just to prove that the risks of being an acrobat are not always the most obvious ones!) are now available in my three books 'Loving the Boy', 'The Power of Love' and 'Against All Odds'. Links available on most blog posts. Actually, waiting for the imminent arrival of the first printed copies was far scarier than anything we do in performance. A fourth book - not about us but exploring the sadness of a gay Native American boy denied his true identity - is currently with an agent for evaluation. watch for 'Let The Future Find Me' in due time. And now to book five... another boy, another quest... seems its always boys...
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1 Response to “It’s Lust, not Love…”

  1. Pingback: Guys can just be Friends | Tony Cavanagh

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