Pride… comes AFTER a Fall…

…no, not Gay Pride. Pride in watching my son in his first professional circus performance on Monday. And sadness that I am not in the show, thanks to my leg problem. So I have to watch the other guys doing their stuff… stuff like this…



It is immensely frustrating to watch Leo performing on Ethan or Zach instead of me, but that’s how it has to be for now. Just a little wobble once or twice because of the unfamiliar partnership. Of course, when he is the ‘base’ for Dave’s daughter Jaymee’s balances, they’re brilliant. And as for showing off on his bed of nails with Dave wielding the sledgehammer on to the concrete block… he seems to have a natural talent for working the crowd and, of course, all the young boys want to ‘be’ him…

Just 12 years old, the pair of them.

So, a rather sad drive back to Oak Ridge for me, and I confess a little tear.

The medics cannot understand why I have developed a large blood clot in my leg, and investigations continue. It is going to be a long haul and, inevitably, the best medical advice is ‘don’t travel long distances, no sudden exertions’, etc…. all the things I want to do. Especially as I have been offered a ‘consolation prize’ by some kindly neighbours which would involve an almost cost-free long flight – on a flat bed no less, business class – using up a ticket they cannot claim a refund on after one of their family became too ill to travel. We’ll see.

Still, I can still coach, and I can still get on with writing. My fourth book, on a different theme from the first three, is half done and my three tame critics are enthusiastic. Meanwhile, you’ll have to make do with these… chronicling my discovery of gay love and our adventures in other circus groups and the dark shadows which were haunting us…

Cover1 ThumbCover2 ThumbCover 3 Thumb

Now then: to more cheerful matters. This caught my eye…

10013Hmmm. Well, I support that tick. ‘Naked’ or at least, for our performances. ‘near naked’. Except, of course, for my presently  asymmetrical legs! I could support ticks in the other two boxes as well (except that one could argue, for me, that the second one hasn’t worked and the grim reaper has briefly peered over my shoulder already. Maybe I should go for this one instead…


I think we can go with most of those (except that number 2 is on hold for me right now so as not to dislodge the clot). And I always hated dancing, so that one can go out… not that I don’t admire the grace and flexibility of the ‘ballet boys’, of course…


enhanced concrete


…and the acrobats who perform balletically, like Eike here, with his famous partner…


Eike gives the lie to two things – first, that you need a human partner to perform a duo balance routine, and secondly that you need huge muscles to manipulate your body around…

eike maybe

And, for photographic purposes at least, Eike does it naked too, just as we like to train.

Training naked can sometimes go a bit wrong…


I would LOVE to know the story there… I have yet to take part in a wresting match that ends like that! More often they end like this – a leg choke!


…and some training activities are anything BUT graceful…


No, that’s not us. We would cover our butts in public, and probably be barefoot!

Shortly, I’m off to see what the lads are doing in the gymnastics center, which gives me an excuse to post a staged group of  gymnasts we know from Linz in Austria… a rather excellent collection showing good body conformation:


So, we are where we are. Not quite heady for the rope around my neck as yet…


A bit of gentle swimming (in the Clinch River, away from the public gaze!) won’t hurt…


Somehow, I must have made the Gods angry, and they’ve issued their warning!


Till next time, then…





About tonycavanagh

Born Northampton UK; school Oxford UK and Oak Ridge Tennessee, where I met my wonderful partner Dave, also from UK. Oak Ridge is our main training base for acrobatics and circus stuff, but we also established a base in Wales (UK) to serve us when we are working in Europe. Our 'story', of finding gay love, learning the acrobatics trade and then of how we got shot at during our show (and worse was to follow - just to prove that the risks of being an acrobat are not always the most obvious ones!) are now available in my three books 'Loving the Boy', 'The Power of Love' and 'Against All Odds'. Links available on most blog posts. Actually, waiting for the imminent arrival of the first printed copies was far scarier than anything we do in performance. A fourth book - not about us but exploring the sadness of a gay Native American boy denied his true identity - is currently with an agent for evaluation. watch for 'Let The Future Find Me' in due time. And now to book five... another boy, another quest... seems its always boys...
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