Thoughts From Our Dark Side


Firstly, ‘our’ as in ‘the gay community’. Dave has an e-subscription to the British gay magazine ‘Attitude’, which, generally, is high on ‘coffee-table’ style and low on porn (no such ads, for example). Very surprised to read remarks by Evan Davis, who is a very prominent and openly gay UK radio/TV news guy. “Gay people are more likely to take illegal drugs than heterosexuals because they lack the discipline of going home to a family and children and have more money to spare…” – actually, none of that applies to us at all, what with having kids, sharing the household with their mums and – as for having more money, forget it! He goes on: “Gay people are not always constrained by things that discipline straight men and women.” Hmmm. That at least, for us, may be true!


And ‘our’ dark side? Well, I mentioned it recently. An evening this past week entertaining a large and strictly private gay dinner party, in between their food and the point where they all start stripping off and getting together themselves. Not to mention the nude waiter scene at the start. Well, we did the acrobatics and the ‘fakir’ stuff, and then the exhibition wrestling, with the ‘audience’ (if you can call it that) taking part in calling the shots as to penalties to be undertaken by the losers.

Cover1 ThumbI’ve written elsewhere how all this began, and how it led to my first ever public ‘penetration’. This time, as an eventual loser to Ivo, I was down to receive a bit of a ‘strapping’…


…that is not us, but you got the idea. Actually, my good friend Leon was sucking my toes at the same time, to take my mind off it a bit. And then, in our usual tradition, Ivo handed me the strap to reciprocate. After which we two were pretty sexually charged and going ’69’ for mutual relief was almost inevitable. As the audience was by then pretty much taken up with their own adventures, Leon whispered in my ear ‘I’m coming in, Tone’… and, for a while, we were all three ‘lost to the world’.

Maybe I should say that my books are not full of this kind of stuff – just a bit, to liven things up as we say – a lot of sports (weights, acrobatics), gay love and adventures around the world…

I think that everyone has a dark side to some extent. Gay or straight. Possibly something that makes one feel particularly ‘macho’ is a turn on. It could be training naked, as we often tend to do…


…doing it shirtless in the snow…


…or just a liking for being close to someone you maybe shouldn’t be close to (at least according to the ‘norm’!)…


…doing things you maybe shouldn’t…

cupboard love

(“…just pull that door shut while I get these off…”)

…you know, the sort of behaviour that precipitates this:


(…and that’s one for you, Dave… we all know what turns you on!)


Cover2 ThumbCover 3 ThumbOK, enough of this. As is well known, we’re all upright, clean-living (“Huh!!) ordinary boys (“Middle-aged men who should know better, you mean”) going about normal lives (“Normal? Spending your lives standing on your heads and rolling around on broken glass? Normal??)… I’m not doing very well here, am I?

10500578_10152268068523716_6965967146234843059_nOK, I give in. My dark side is pretty bad, I suppose. I guess it comes over in the books a bit strongly. But we have a ‘light’ side too. Being gay notwithstanding, both Dave and I have brought up (along with their lesbian mums) two great kids who are respectful, talented, and (this is important to many, though maybe it shouldn’t be) straight. And I don’t think that the notice on the left really applies to me, nor to any of my close friends. We ‘supervise’ each other, keep our sexuality within close bounds, love our partners deeply and our other friends sincerely. Long may it continue.

Right. Let me entertain you now with some acrobatics. Vintage first. Enjoy!







And always keep a watchful eye in the woods – you never know who or what you might find!



About tonycavanagh

Born Northampton UK; school Oxford UK and Oak Ridge Tennessee, where I met my wonderful partner Dave, also from UK. Oak Ridge is our main training base for acrobatics and circus stuff, but we also established a base in Wales (UK) to serve us when we are working in Europe. Our 'story', of finding gay love, learning the acrobatics trade and then of how we got shot at during our show (and worse was to follow - just to prove that the risks of being an acrobat are not always the most obvious ones!) are now available in my three books 'Loving the Boy', 'The Power of Love' and 'Against All Odds'. Links available on most blog posts. Actually, waiting for the imminent arrival of the first printed copies was far scarier than anything we do in performance. A fourth book - not about us but exploring the sadness of a gay Native American boy denied his true identity - is currently with an agent for evaluation. watch for 'Let The Future Find Me' in due time. And now to book five... another boy, another quest... seems its always boys...
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