My ‘Right To Be Gay’


Except that our bed is American king size and about five times as wide as that, that could be my partner Dave and I! This morning I woke sandwiched between two warm bodies – my Dave and his (also) gay brother Pete, whose partner is temporarily absent. None of us needed to get up early for once, and we enjoyed each others touch, taste and pheromones, feeling at peace with the world. As we are all three part of our special group sworn to stay ‘clean’ and enjoy sexual favours only within the group, we did exactly that as well! After, we talked of this and that, and somehow the subject of ‘Gay Pride’ and ‘Gay Rights’ came up (you’d think that we had done those subjects to death after 15 years together, but anyway)…


Something suddenly struck me. A recent conversation with a local woman who has been reluctant to understand our gay lifestyle, complicated as it is, with family and kids in the same home. She said something like “I don’t understand it myself, but I suppose you have every right to be gay”.

Sounds fair enough, until you think about it some more. A ‘right to be gay’. That sounds like a choice, as in ‘You have every right to stay up until 3am’ or ‘You have every right to die your hair purple if you want’.


I DON’T have a choice. I am gay. That’s my only option! Yes, I managed to have a child with a woman (the lovely Clare, begat Leo, as the bible might say) but it was a struggle and, with her a lesbian anyway, we were ‘assisted’ in the endeavour by accompanying friends of the gay persuasion (see The Power of Love, the second of my books: the agonies we went through (Dave and I – for he did the same thing with Karen) come near the end of Loving the Boy). I suppose that I was born gay, although it took me almost 16 years to realise that: girlfriends never featured, mates noticed me eyeing other boys in the gym, that sort of stuff – and my oldest friend says he knew when we were just ten years old. He never said anything, and it never bothered him – never has to this day, for he is Ollie’s dad, the 12yo boy who is as mad keen on fitness training and gymnastics as my own son and with whom he constantly ‘Skypes’ about progress. And Ollie came over here for Easter without his parents, although admittedly with another family as chaperone for the travel! He, and Leo (and indeed Dave’s daughter), are as straight as they come.

So, something else to ponder, and to rant about here!


It’s just that ‘Gay Rights’ and ‘A Right to be Gay’ are not the same thing. At least not to me. Pete told me to shut up and said he couldn’t care less about the difference. Maybe he’s right!

I won’t be dyeing my hair purple, and I rarely stay up to 3am! This is America – early to bed, early to rise…


I worked off my frustration by going down to the training cabin and throwing a few weights around. Leo and his friends Chris and Ryan had already done their stint and had disappeared to Ryan’s home – once verboten because we were gay and Leo might be ‘tainted’…no more. One success there, as previously chronicled here!

Talking of weights…






After that, I felt more like throwing Dave around, as we tend to do sometimes in one way or another…



After which, of course, he’s there to tell me I take things too seriously…


Which, of course, is completely true. But then I wouldn’t have anything to blog about, would I? Just trying to sell books isn’t enough to keep people coming back!

Loving the Boy: ISBN 978-1-907732-30-0

The Power of Love: ISBN 978-1-907732-41-6

Against All Odds: ISBN 978-1-908645-35-7

Whatever your preference, share the love!




About tonycavanagh

Born Northampton UK; school Oxford UK and Oak Ridge Tennessee, where I met my wonderful partner Dave, also from UK. Oak Ridge is our main training base for acrobatics and circus stuff, but we also established a base in Wales (UK) to serve us when we are working in Europe. Our 'story', of finding gay love, learning the acrobatics trade and then of how we got shot at during our show (and worse was to follow - just to prove that the risks of being an acrobat are not always the most obvious ones!) are now available in my three books 'Loving the Boy', 'The Power of Love' and 'Against All Odds'. Links available on most blog posts. Actually, waiting for the imminent arrival of the first printed copies was far scarier than anything we do in performance. A fourth book - not about us but exploring the sadness of a gay Native American boy denied his true identity - is currently with an agent for evaluation. watch for 'Let The Future Find Me' in due time. And now to book five... another boy, another quest... seems its always boys...
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3 Responses to My ‘Right To Be Gay’

  1. ian williams says:

    You definitely need to read that book I mentioned; that will put you ‘straight’. No more talk about being gay, we are all ‘Andro’ now!! Ian.

  2. Pingback: We’re Dull. Hockney Says So… | Tony Cavanagh

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