Fathers and Sons (Continued!)

Today’s Gallery Theme: The Right Proportions


(Looking at overall ‘balance’ in the lifting results today.)

My conversation with my son the other evening, reported in the previous post, ended with him saying ‘Thanks, dad. Love you! Say g’night to Mum for me.’  Actually, he said ‘Mom’, because he’s born and bred in America but, as a Brit, I can’t bring myself to do that! It set me thinking.

Leo has a gay dad (me) and a lesbian mum. Each of them shares their life with a gay partner, and those partners have a daughter, same age as Leo. We all live happily in the same home. Leo has never known anything different, and both kids seem totally happy. There has been a tiny bit of ‘bother’ from anti-gay kids (and parents too) in this Bible Belt zone of TN, but those battles have been fought and won. As I put it in my first two books Loving the Boy and The Power of Love, each kid effectively has two mums and two dads. And they love that.


I guess that our rather less common habit of training together with our kids, and performing with them, cements those bonds further. But two other things that came to my attention today made me really think hard about how kids relate to parents.

Case 1: a cabinet minister in the British government, David Mundell ‘came out’ on Twitter on Wednesday. He’s the first one ever to do that. He was married at one time, and sired three children, but the marriage broke up some years ago. Perhaps he’s one of those bisexual ‘inbetweeners‘ that I once blogged about: maybe he was always gay but decided to ‘toe the line’. Both I and my partner Dave realised we were gay well before siring our offspring, incidentally: we did it the natural way though, with a lot of loving support on both sides of the gay divide from our friends…

It was Mundell’s adult son Oliver, currently standing as an MP in the Scottish parliament, who impressed me, though. ‘I admire my dad as much today as I did yesterday. Brave decision to go public – and the right one.’ You couldn’t ask any son to be more supportive than that, could you?


OK, he had only one gay parent, but you see my point. Contrast that with my second example:

Case 2: a long-term friend back in UK told me today that he has split up from his wife – they have, he says, ‘…drifted apart and been living effectively separate lives for six months.’ He has two sporty boys aged about ten and eight (I’m not sure exactly). The older one is a junior squash champion and the younger one a rising gymnast. The boys’ new-year ‘present’ was their dad moving out of the family home and them having to start a ‘split’ existence of commuting between two houses. No ‘third party’ was involved, apparently.


Both Dave and I have been told a few times ‘You should never have had kids, as you’re gay. It’s wrong…’ But, is it ‘right’ as a heterosexual to have kids and then split up, leaving them fairly desolate? I suppose this is a bit like comparing apples with oranges, but I do feel real sad for my friend’s boys, in what is so often these days a ‘normal’ domestic situation, when we have our own super-special kids deeply loved and happily ensconced in a gay/lesbian household.


OK, maybe I’m making too much of things. But when my 14yo boy can reduce me to tears with one offhand show of affection, and when the adult son of a lately-out gay public figure can be so supportive of his dad, I do feel desperately sorry for all those kids growing up in single parent or disjointed families and I deeply resent being accused of it being ‘wrong’ to have a son because I’m gay. Let’s keep things in proportion: criticism should be evidence based and,  on this subject of gay people and kids, never seems to be.

End of rant, OK!

‘Love you too, Leo…’


Let me just mention the third book in the series, Against All Odds, and then we’ll move on to enjoy some more fit boys who have everything in perfect proportion! Leo’s conception and birth are in the first two volumes, by the way…

built briefs boi

built 8

chunky boi

garage workout

locker room







About tony

Born Northampton UK
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1 Response to Fathers and Sons (Continued!)

  1. Pingback: “I Spy…” | Tony Cavanagh

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