Fathers and Sons (Continued!)

Today’s Gallery Theme: The Right Proportions

780

(Looking at overall ‘balance’ in the lifting results today.)

My conversation with my son the other evening, reported in the previous post, ended with him saying ‘Thanks, dad. Love you! Say g’night to Mum for me.’  Actually, he said ‘Mom’, because he’s born and bred in America but, as a Brit, I can’t bring myself to do that! It set me thinking.

Leo has a gay dad (me) and a lesbian mum. Each of them shares their life with a gay partner, and those partners have a daughter, same age as Leo. We all live happily in the same home. Leo has never known anything different, and both kids seem totally happy. There has been a tiny bit of ‘bother’ from anti-gay kids (and parents too) in this Bible Belt zone of TN, but those battles have been fought and won. As I put it in my first two books Loving the Boy and The Power of Love, each kid effectively has two mums and two dads. And they love that.

795

I guess that our rather less common habit of training together with our kids, and performing with them, cements those bonds further. But two other things that came to my attention today made me really think hard about how kids relate to parents.

Case 1: a cabinet minister in the British government, David Mundell ‘came out’ on Twitter on Wednesday. He’s the first one ever to do that. He was married at one time, and sired three children, but the marriage broke up some years ago. Perhaps he’s one of those bisexual ‘inbetweeners‘ that I once blogged about: maybe he was always gay but decided to ‘toe the line’. Both I and my partner Dave realised we were gay well before siring our offspring, incidentally: we did it the natural way though, with a lot of loving support on both sides of the gay divide from our friends…

It was Mundell’s adult son Oliver, currently standing as an MP in the Scottish parliament, who impressed me, though. ‘I admire my dad as much today as I did yesterday. Brave decision to go public – and the right one.’ You couldn’t ask any son to be more supportive than that, could you?

19831

OK, he had only one gay parent, but you see my point. Contrast that with my second example:

Case 2: a long-term friend back in UK told me today that he has split up from his wife – they have, he says, ‘…drifted apart and been living effectively separate lives for six months.’ He has two sporty boys aged about ten and eight (I’m not sure exactly). The older one is a junior squash champion and the younger one a rising gymnast. The boys’ new-year ‘present’ was their dad moving out of the family home and them having to start a ‘split’ existence of commuting between two houses. No ‘third party’ was involved, apparently.

19880

Both Dave and I have been told a few times ‘You should never have had kids, as you’re gay. It’s wrong…’ But, is it ‘right’ as a heterosexual to have kids and then split up, leaving them fairly desolate? I suppose this is a bit like comparing apples with oranges, but I do feel real sad for my friend’s boys, in what is so often these days a ‘normal’ domestic situation, when we have our own super-special kids deeply loved and happily ensconced in a gay/lesbian household.

922811_457513701125703_4628421703736647086_n

OK, maybe I’m making too much of things. But when my 14yo boy can reduce me to tears with one offhand show of affection, and when the adult son of a lately-out gay public figure can be so supportive of his dad, I do feel desperately sorry for all those kids growing up in single parent or disjointed families and I deeply resent being accused of it being ‘wrong’ to have a son because I’m gay. Let’s keep things in proportion: criticism should be evidence based and,  on this subject of gay people and kids, never seems to be.

End of rant, OK!

‘Love you too, Leo…’

24098644491_0e8c34a68f_o

Let me just mention the third book in the series, Against All Odds, and then we’ll move on to enjoy some more fit boys who have everything in perfect proportion! Leo’s conception and birth are in the first two volumes, by the way…

built briefs boi

built 8

chunky boi

garage workout

locker room

look!

proportions

tumblr_nh84l3fHw61svich9o7_1280

tumblr_mfv0uov9f_Q1qgsxq9o1_500

tumblr_nwuatib7Wl1u0a1f1o8_1280

 

About tonycavanagh

Born Northampton UK; school Oxford UK and Oak Ridge Tennessee, where I met my wonderful partner Dave, also from UK. Oak Ridge is our main training base for acrobatics and circus stuff, but we also established a base in Wales (UK) to serve us when we are working in Europe. Our 'story', of finding gay love, learning the acrobatics trade and then of how we got shot at during our show (and worse was to follow - just to prove that the risks of being an acrobat are not always the most obvious ones!) are now available in my three books 'Loving the Boy', 'The Power of Love' and 'Against All Odds'. Links available on most blog posts. Actually, waiting for the imminent arrival of the first printed copies was far scarier than anything we do in performance. A fourth book - not about us but exploring the sadness of a gay Native American boy denied his true identity - is currently with an agent for evaluation. watch for 'Let The Future Find Me' in due time. And now to book five... another boy, another quest... seems its always boys...
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Fathers and Sons (Continued!)

  1. Pingback: “I Spy…” | Tony Cavanagh

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.