Speedo Story (2)

Yes, following on from yesterdays ‘Speedo Story’, there’s more!

Today’s Gallery Theme: Alternatives to Speedos (like when you forget them or cannot afford any…)


(All boys together, right? ‘So what’s wrong with me undies’…?)

One more glorious Speedo story and I’m through with them for a while! I am indebted for this to a columnist in a respected British daily newspaper, who describes an ‘innocent abroad’ mishap in Germany. Now we’ve already had the Speedo-hating (and gay-hating) Cape May community in NJ, and the Speedo-insisting pool community in France. But Germans too can throw their pebbles into the pond and cause a few ripples…


In a recent post (and lots of times before) I have referred to the FKK – the Germanic term for what we British politely refer to as ‘naturists’. Nudists. Frei Körper Kultur. If you have ever noticed ‘FKK’ stencilled on the ground when you have wandered, on vacation, along a German or Austrian riverbank, or at a lakeside perhaps, that’s what it means. Rather than hide such a place as we Brits would certainly do back home, they put up a huge bloody sign!


(A fashionister rather than an underwear guy. Actually, when I do need to wear swim togs, I rather favour that style myself.)

So: in Germany, saunas are a common ‘add-on’ to public pools. They are almost invariably mixed sex. And they are almost always naked. It is common for husbands and wives, and indeed families, to relax totally starkers in such places, drinking beer and exchanging gossip. Everyone totally relaxed. Until our innocent Brit tourist, having enjoyed his swim and decided that a sauna would be a good to finish off, wanders in. In his Speedos.


Our hero settles himself on a spare section of the bench and loses himself in his thoughts. He fails to notice that a silence has descended, followed by increasing murmurings of discontent. Eventually, a red-lobster of a German says something angrily to his wife, wobbles to his feet and marches over to stand in front of our hero, and yells at him in German. Our hero doesn’t understand a word. So the German tries another language, and points angrily at our hero’s Speedos. The language is Dutch, and Speedo boyo doesn’t understand that, either.


Third time lucky, and now very red in the face, the German tries halting English. ‘You are insulting my wife! Take off your Speedos at once!’

I’ll just give you a moment to think about that…


We can now read our German’s mind. The Speedos are insulting him too, because they may be concealing an erection brought on by the sight of his wife… so, to prove that they are not aroused by the ample female flesh on view, all the men must traditionally remove their swimwear on entering the sauna…

…you couldn’t make it up, really, could you!


From the gay perspective, how would you explain that your erection was brought on by the sight of the more nubile male flesh on view? Let’s not go there.

Our columnist survived to tell the tale, and I’m so glad I heard it. As they always say to the unwary traveller, “observe local customs and dress discretely!”.



OK. In accordance with our own local customs it is time once again (sigh) to promote a few books suitable for the discerning gay-friendly sport-appreciating reader:

The first part...The second part...Cover 3 ThumbIdeal for reading in your Speedos, underwear, or indeed ‘FKK’. Do note that the paper books and e-readers would get rather soggy in a sauna. ‘Are they porn?’ asked a potential reader yesterday. Absolutely not, according to my publisher, although there are graphic bits. We’re gay, for goodness sake. So you might, just once or twice, want to wear something which conceals… well, you know what.

At which point, let me add some more undies pictures, just for fun!


(A messy model, Daniel.)



And, finally, a couple inspired by the story: two acrobats whose performing style would clearly go down a hoot in a German sauna. Bye for now!


(See no evil…)


(Oh, well maybe…)


About tony

Born Northampton UK
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