Following my Tennessee Folk Tales (1) I seem to be on the receiving end of lots of funny stories which show Americans in a poor light! Can’t imagine why I should find that amusing, really (Brit here, smirking slightly!). OK, I’ll share a couple but, first, let me introduce
Today’s Gallery Theme: ‘Abs’
(Yes, I know we’ve had lots of abs pictures recently, but they’ve all been in another context and, anyway, you can’t have too much of a good thing…)
An American was travelling on one of those airlines which provides those little plastics tubs of coffee whitener. Not your usual ‘half-and-half’ that you get on US airlines, but actual milk, pre-treated at ultra-high-temperature for long-life. Peering somewhat myopically at the tiny writing on the tear-off cap, he called out
Stewardess (sighing!): ‘Yes, sir, may I help you?’
Passenger, holding up the plastic container: ‘You sure can. Exactly what kind of an animal is an uht?’
Personally, I hate that ‘UHT milk’ anyway. Doesn’t taste quite right in comparison to the real fresh-from-the-cow stuff you get back in UK.
I don’t think that I can blame any more of these stories specifically on the good folks of Tennessee. After all, I have to live here!
From my London-based fave newspaper The Times, in which web edition this very day there was a column headed ‘The American State of Naivity’ [i.e. not TN!] come these two:
A guy, a steak lover, was dining in a restaurant in the historic city of Lincoln in eastern England. He ordered a Chatreaubriand for two.
The American sitting at the next table called out to the waiter: ‘That sounds nice – I’ll have a bottle of the same.’
And secondly, in Cambridge, a favourite haunt for American tourists admiring the historic colleges which make up the University. Two tourists were looking at a poster advertising a performance of Bach’s St. John Passion in the college chapel.
‘That’s nice,‘ said one to the other, ‘Do you think he wrote one for every college?’
I rest my case, lest I offend any more of my adopted countrymen… well, for now, anyway!
No need for him to kneel and hang his head in shame, that’s for sure!
Here’s three guys testing their abs – or at least testing one guy’s abs – not a good idea. Houdini died doing this, albeit not in a wrestling ring:
I have set my three books in America, since that’s where I was when the events around which they are built took place – and still am, over 15 years later. The first one never moves outside the US at all, although the circus tours then take us far and wide. The problems which build to a climax in volume 3 also began in the eastern US, later moving south. Enough spoilers, maybe.
I’ve done my best to be kind to all the other Americans who appear therein – after all, most of them are my friends. Absolutely no jokes along the lines of ‘two countries divided by a common language’ and such stuff – I leave that to the blog! So feel free – and feel positively encouraged – to give them the benefit of the doubt – I need the money!
And now, back to the abs:
…well, there are many simple exercises in the gym which will help to improve your shirtless selfies…
…but this one is the KILLER! Enjoy!