On The Spectrum

Today’s Gallery Theme: ‘Black and White’…

…because today’s discussion topic isn’t! (But here’s a nice B&W boy to start us off!).

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The recent decision in North Carolina and Mississippi to insist that transgender individuals use the toilets offered for the original gender seems to have brought the whole topic of sexuality back on to the front pages. Just as Obama speaks of changing the law nationally to stop this, the governor of Texas (and others) demands to follow suit. What is fascinating us is “Where are all these transgender people?” Are a huge percentage of the population, hitherto un-noticed, suddenly coming out of their closet? The trend today seems to be that no-one is actually at the ends of the male-female spectrum – we are all supposedly somewhere in between.

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The ‘logic’ then moves on. All ‘gay’ people ‘must’ lie somewhere on this hypothetical spectrum. A gay man must contain some female element (why else would he be attracted to men, they argue?). Equally, a lesbian ‘must’ (obviously!!) trend a little towards the male end of the spectrum. To some people, this seems an obvious explanation for everything – gay/lesbian/transgender/bisexual – ah… ‘Bisexual’. I guess that one could reasonably place you in some intermediate ‘holding pattern’ of sexuality. I’ll give them that one as a possibility.

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But ‘gay’? I am a gay guy, no question. I like men – always have. Never wanted a girlfriend, never been remotely interested. I have a wonderful partner (Dave) who feels the same way, and we mix in a gay society of like-minded individuals. And I don’t feel the least bit feminine. I don’t lean a little (or at all) to the other end of the male-female spectrum. I have no interest in nail varnish, dresses, pink things or any of the female stereotypes. But, yes: I have a son, whose mother is one of those lesbians. And, one day, we got it together – the ‘conventional’ way, by mutual agreement and with the loving support of friends. But ‘mum’ and ‘dad’ stay resolutely female and male, respectively. Not half and half. Not wanting to use the toilets for the opposite gender.

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(Thoughful look!)

NC and Mississippi feel that males who have ‘changed’ into females, through practice, dressing, therapy or even surgery, should continue to use male facilities despite the fairly obvious embarrassment that it would arouse with other men in said facilities. A transgender person, originally male, now dressed as a female, possibly on hormone treatment to emphasise female characteristics and (for all we know) having had some male ‘bits’ removed or modified, is required by law to come and stand next to me at the stalls to urinate. Perhaps some of these ‘conservatives’ would send me to the ladies (I’m gay, after all!) while the transgender person stays put in the male… oh, for heaven’s sake!

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I caught a snatch of a very measured debate on UK’s BBC radio (via i-player) in which a medical professor was speaking about the stage at which gender is identified in an embryo, and what might go awry leading to, shall we say, ‘uncertainty’ in gender. It is not, as I thought, at the moment of conception, but several weeks later when a particular gene ‘wakes up’ and sniffs around to see if there is a ‘Y’ chromosome, at which point it then gets to work to convert ovaries into testes. That explains, incidentally, why we men have nips, because they are created automatically at the start ‘in case’ we are female.

Elsewhere, the debate has moved on – inevitably – to whether hormone treatments (as for transgender people) could ‘cure’ gay tendencies. We’ve been here before and, in the bible belt at least, it is a common presumption that Dave and I, and all of our friends, should be ‘cured’.

Give me strength! ‘It’s not going to happen, you guys! We’re gay, so live with that!

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The fact that two gay guys and two lesbians have raised two very obviously straight kids seems to count for something in our neighbourhood, making us (I suppose) more acceptable. Incidentally, you can read all about it (plus our sporting endeavours and performing adventures, here:

Loving the Boy: ISBN 978-1-907732-30-0

The Power of Love: ISBN 978-1-907732-41-6

Against All Odds: ISBN 978-1-908645-35-7

Buying the books will support a 100% male gay guy who knows which bathroom to use! That’s 100% male, with no ‘shift’ towards the female side of the spectrum whatsoever.

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It could get worse. President Trump could decide to ‘corral’ us all into one small state like Vermont and then build a wall around it. Just an idea!!

Another overheard quote about the likes of us: “When lesbians discover their sexuality, they go to the public library. When men discover they are gay, they go to the public lavatory.” Absolutely no further comment. Let’s just get on with the business of doing male things…

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Quite. Male enough, everyone? A few more pics to enjoy for today:

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If you have got this far down the post, you have presumably been admiring pictures of guys. Please reflect on this when you next need to use the public bathrooms!

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“You only get one life. Live it!”

About tonycavanagh

Born Northampton UK; school Oxford UK and Oak Ridge Tennessee, where I met my wonderful partner Dave, also from UK. Oak Ridge is our main training base for acrobatics and circus stuff, but we also established a base in Wales (UK) to serve us when we are working in Europe. Our 'story', of finding gay love, learning the acrobatics trade and then of how we got shot at during our show (and worse was to follow - just to prove that the risks of being an acrobat are not always the most obvious ones!) are now available in my three books 'Loving the Boy', 'The Power of Love' and 'Against All Odds'. Links available on most blog posts. Actually, waiting for the imminent arrival of the first printed copies was far scarier than anything we do in performance. A fourth book - not about us but exploring the sadness of a gay Native American boy denied his true identity - is currently with an agent for evaluation. watch for 'Let The Future Find Me' in due time. And now to book five... another boy, another quest... seems its always boys...
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2 Responses to On The Spectrum

  1. Platinumboy says:

    From my understanding of it all, these people don’t mind a fully transitioned transgender person using a different restroom. The problem is the man in Seattle who simply decided to use the ladies lockerroom when a bunch of little girls were changing. He said he was feeling like a woman at that moment. Then there was the northern Illinois boy who wanted full access to the girls lockerroom whenever he “felt like a girl”. Those situations, totally different from a fully transgendered person, are the sticking points in the debate. Should a non-transgendered person be allowed access to the opposite-gender facilities just because that person feels like it? What about the rights of the people already in the bathroom/lockerroom? Should they leave because they’re offended? What about the little one who doesn’t feel comfortable or feels afraid? Don’t they have a right to feel safe? These are valid questions any reasonable person would ask. However, we, including you, are marked as insensitive when we ask these questions.

    • tonycavanagh says:

      Gosh, isn’t this complicated! A friend in UK says this madness is taking hold there too, with universities being urged to introduced ‘gender neutral’ bathrooms and also separate living accommodation for LGTBs. Whatever next – segregation and integration in the same breath…

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